Respectful Communication

Respectful Communication
Most of us don't think too much about how we communicate, unless we are required to for our work, etc. Let's look more closely at different ways of communicating. Learning respectful communication is helpful not only in our relationships but in all aspects of our lives. We are now going to talk about four different styles of communication. Most people tend to use each of these styles at times.
Assertive Style
In assertive communication, the person stands up for their personal rights, and expresses their thoughts, feelings, and beliefs directly, honestly, and respectfully.
The assertive communicator does not dominate, humiliate, or degrade the other person.
Goal: To honestly state your feelings, and show respect for the other person's position.
Messages: Both of our feelings and needs are important. I am telling you what I need, and I'm also willing to listen to your needs.

Aggressive Style
In aggressive communication, the person expresses their feelings in a way that violates the rights of another person.
The aggressive communicator uses humiliation, sarcasm, insults, or threats to get their point across.
Goal: To dominate the situation and win at the other person's expense.
Messages: I'm right and you're wrong. Your feelings are not important. I don't need to listen to what you have to say. My view is the only one that matters.

Passive-Aggressive Style
A person communicating in a passive-aggressive style uses more hidden forms of aggression to express their feelings. The strategy is to give the other person a message without actually co-ming out and saying it directly.
Goal: To dominate the situation and win at the other person's expense.
Messages: It might not look like it but I want things to go my way.

Passive Style
A person communicating in a passive or non-assertive style does not say what they are feeling. The passive person gives in to other people's requests, demands, or feelings and does not acknowledge their own fee-lings or say what they want. When the person does express feelings, it is usually in an apologetic or timid way, so that it's easy for other people to ignore them.
Goal: To play it safe, not rock the boat, and avoid conflict at all costs.
Messages: I don't count; what I need is not important; you don't have to take my feelings into account.
Note: A person who has been abused by her husband or partner may have to be passive in her style of communication in order to try to stay safe.

Adapted from Arthur J. Lange and Patricia Kubowski.